Not in the Hollywood way… more in the “every parasite in nature wants a piece of me” way.

I had my annual physical today. It always gets me thinking about life, aging, and the slow creep of nature reclaiming its investment. I feel pretty good overall. But I’m more aware of my limits. And more aware of the things that see me as prime stock: Bugs. Parasites. Fungi. It’s like I’ve hit peak desirability on Tinder for Creepy Crawlies. A charcuterie buffet of delicious Thomas.

The good news? San Francisco’s cool climate keeps the worst of the bug world at bay. The bad news? Summer still brings the occasional mosquito outbreak, especially after a wet spring like this one. And according to 23andMe, I have a Neanderthal variant that makes mosquito bites extra itchy. So when they come looking for blood, I get double the suffering. Their happy hour is my sleepless itch-a-palooza.

All of which has me wishing I was far less attractive.