As I’m getting older, now in my mid-60s, I feel time racing. In my mind I feel that my time left is getting less and less and the things I want to accomplish are more and more. This is especially in the forefront of my mind as a multipotentialite. I recently found the German term torschlusspanik (literally, gate closing panic) and it seems to perfectly describe what I’m feeling. A bit of panic about not having enough time.

The time pressure has created a bit of paralysis for me. Which of my many interests do I pursue first? What if I pursue something and don’t make any progress with it. Is what I’m doing aligning with my why? What is my why? I’m also feeling pressure from all of my obligations, my client work and family and friends.

I’m thinking of retirement a lot these days, something I was not doing a year ago. That is creating pressure too. It might seem silly to say this, but I am now also feeling the pressure to practice being retired, meaning that I am practicing the things I would do when I retire. All in all, thinking about retirement has heightened my torschlusspanik.

I’ve started reading a book called Tiny Experiments by Anne-Laure Le Cunff. It’s come to me just at the right time (funny how the universe arranges that!) As I’m reading it, I’m finding it to be a good antidote to torschlusspanik. The idea behind Tiny Experiments is to bust out of the obsession with goals and instead do playful experimentation. Instead of focusing on a goal, you focus on experimenting, failing, learning and trying again, trying new things and using all of the information you learn to inform where to look, focus and explore next.

It really fits well with all of my many interests as it gives me permission to try something for a week or two, reflect on what I learned, then go try something else. I’ll be writing more about this as I experiment. It’s also a reminder to myself to not focus on the future but rather be present, something I need to be reminded of again and again.